Meine Schatz, Paris, Uncategorised

Amor Es Esperanza #1

“Rome doesn’t feel like home without you. I want to run back to Chez Ribe.”

Versailles-Paris, 2nd April 2017


chestnut groves blossom, city parks burst into flower..
plane trees sprout foliage over boulevards, and cafe terraces buzz with new-found energy as Parisians head outdoors to enjoy spring’s soft warm days. 

..spring’s soft warm days..

oh come on. spring ? warm days ?

without you ? just like long winter to me.

huummppff…

a dove that from 15 minute ago busy with some crumbs on my book sureprise and fly away cz my strong exhale.

my eyes just watch out where it goes. it stop in the top of broken old street lamp, and landing on the lunch basket of old lovers.

heheheu i just laughing for that..

i mean,, not that lovers,,

its just something i dont know also but well’ah… i just love the way I’m laughing on something without knowing the reason why.

i licked leftover crumbs of that cheesecake from my lower lips, and touch again my phone screen. 

you message still there :

“Rome doesn’t feel like home without you. I want to run back to Chez Ribe.”

i let that message numb for 1 hour.

i didnt do anything anyway to keep me busy or havent even 10’s to reply.

am just…..

wanna know.

are u gonna send me another messages to complain or another messages to admit that u really miss me..

or maybe some calls, or misscalls.. like u know how am really happy to found ur name in my notifications or ur calls just pop up in my screen.


i hope u never know that i always collect that and screenshoot that with devils mode on, in my mind ✌🏻😈 she miss me she miss me yeah



oh shoots.. notifications again from you, and thats an image..

i should open that :


sweet words written on used wet tissue that already dried..
smells like baby.. like u.

i kiss my screen to search ur smells, i only found my Pour Homme smells there..

we keep talking about how fast the word “Miss” can multipy and turn into huge wave of Tsunamiss.

or somewhere for me to hide cz now am really think wherever i go u haunt me.

U said, “Just hide inside my heart… And don’t try to get out”

well i know u..

even am hiding in the treasure box of Jack Sparrow, u will finding me out so.

then u will dancing in happy cz maybe am the only one who failed to hiding in that big pirates ship,, well its actually two.. if u counting that pitty octopus too.

**********************************

Avenue De La Chapelle

3rd April 2017


06:00 Am

its too early for u to wake up, i know that.

I want to ring u up, and yes i do.

achso as always and never be never, it always end up in any misscalled only, in ur phone.
and i can guess ur first messages in the morning will be like :

  1. am sorry baby am just woke up 😘
  2. 😱 am sorry baby my battery went out
  3. am sorry baby my phone was in silent 😰
  4. am sorry baby i was fainting 😵
  5. am sorry baby Santa Clause was kidnap me and i didnt have chances to bring my phone, but now he gimme back home already 😋

alright, number 4 & 5 was never exist, but 1-3 is the classic script that you always try to dealing my morning attemp, unfortunately – you always successfully – prevent – my anger.

Goddamm what kind of i am, but i really more enjoying our time together.

lemme spell it :

to-gather

no

to-get-her

yes to get her 🤔

08:35 Am – Your Message Cum

“am sorry baby my battery went out. Good morning 😘”

finally !! script number 2 still favorite😑

after calling your phone awhile, i know your schedule already..

  1. concerto of all your golden album that takes hours.. 🎤
  2. breakfast and ofcourse a mug full of coffee.. ☕️🍝
  3. and showering 🛁
  4. and this and that
  5. and those and these

but i dont know why today you just skip point number 1, and just take 2 and 3 before calling me again. and then you go to Kebab Stall with Lenka for your lunch 🌯🌮🥙

17:25 Pm – My Office

am just down and say good bye to Charlotte, my deskmate, when your name pop up in my screen again. its just wow cz today you take more active to looking for me as what i always wish.

i think we were in the “exchange habits disorder” or whatever is that🤔 but i love it.

we talk about many things high or deep.. long or wide.. near or far.. and mirage or exist.

then we just pause in a moment, no words, no talk, just breath.

“are you okay ?”

        “am not. i miss u.”

“i know….is that hurt ?”, am asking carefully

         “its painful..”

o God. how i really hate trapped in the moment like this. moment where am just too far away and cant hugs her even just to make her calm. i totally know my princess need more than only words.

        “andrò ad ora a Termini, amore..” , you said.

“amor, amor..espera. Lo so che è così doloroso. e voi sapete ci sentiamo lo stesso, hmmm ? portiamo il dolore insieme, ricordi Amori ? e tu sei forte.. mi faresti un grande onore, per combattere il dolore con me ? solo per altre 14 ore, si ??”

     “si.” (click)

tuutt tuutt tuutt (call dropped in 01:12:17)

shoots !! i really hate this. i know that breath, i know that trembling voice, and that short answer. i know now you are crying in the car that bring u down to Termini Stations. i know that already. 


you are right princess, its so painful…

another TGV cried the horn loudly. not ur TGV. i walk to my bathroom. stand under the shower and rained it up to my head, down to my suit.

i even not yet take off my shoes. am just way back home by walk from my office.

i can make it fast with motobike, or just go home with Berto, my office friend that stay under my blocks. but i just love to walk along Rue Jean Rey to Rue de Buenos Ayres while we talk in phone as always.

i dont know that a walk that only can take another 5-10minutes for a tourist, for me will be like 30minute long. well i think my steps getting so hard to move with all this heavy memories inside my head.

sometimes am stopped in some spot and touch some part of flower or building or anything where your fingers was touch it when we both walking there together.

then i can really stop for another 5 minute when i just turn the left to Avenue de Suffren. i lay my back in the fence of the yard and just close my eyes. no am not tired, am just-

what you called it ?

calling supernatural power ?

hahah. nope. am just flashback.

like i see you, see us running out from Chez Ribe and crossing the road and stop point in where am standing right now.

then am turning my water tap to cold. not warm anymore. as cold as the rain we had before.

i really miss that atmosphere.

stuck in the moment when we was kissing in the rain.

we really wet. but it was the hotest memory we got from this street, right ?

and i never know that the rain has cherry taste, til i was caught that from your lips.


to be continue in Amor Es Esperanza #2

😀👉🏻 https://admiralovaphobia.wordpress.com/2017/04/04/amor-es-esperanza-2/

Meine Schatz, Paris, Richnightson, Sous le ciel Parisien, Uncategorised

Amor Es Esperanza #2

…. Without the moon and winking stars in its skies,

The Night will always be called The Night ….


3:23 Am – Avenue de Buenos Ayres

freaks !! i cant sleep.

well’aii.. really never know or learn how to sleep, i mean if we sleepy we just fall asleep, right ? or left ? or center ? whatever 😑

some people need some pills or maybe syringes too, just to make them closed their eyes.

i can get easy to fall asleep when i’m tired. and i’m not tired right now. and if the tired one is your soul, long sleep also will never get enough to go.

but i dont know why, God also dressed you with that amazing talent. i mean, to make me sleep easily. no, i mean, to make me easily fall asleep,, no no i mean,, to make me fall asleep with peace..

oh shoots,, 😬 am i just writing another soft words for R.I.P ??

no,, i mean i really can sleep well if you are around me.

yes !!! thats what am gonna tell.

yell 🤔

no, just tell.. 😑

asshhh. look.

i dont know how many mailbox you will received after you on your phone later or when the signal just cum again.

i hope you will not getting anger also with the sounds of unstopped notifications from your messages in any applications we connected.

I’m worried.. why you can understand that ?!

why you like so happy to leave me in unknown directions of you ? 😠

yes.. I’m angry right now. 😡

I’m angry cz you didnt sent me any messages since you just dropped the call. 😞 I’m just worried.. Please !!
i get up and uphold my pillow to leaning.

awhh what is these,,i feel my nape touch something keen..

i try to rub my nape and search what was that on my pillow..

Godness. your earring.

we was….searching for that a month ago,,you dashed out in hurry to run for AZA 317 that brough you to Rome, and leave me here alone.

Are u wonder now why I’m not searching for that after you go ?

Exactly yes i did,, but what was i found there only your smells, and this mesh bed nothing else more.

Yes i didnt clean up it. Disgusting isnt it ?

I – dont – way – carreeee.

I didnt want your smells gone.

Its 5:00 Am now,

and i still cant sleep..


just look out the window its getting rain. Demmm !!

this feelings again.

I’m  turn my desk calendar,,oh may mayyyy… yes it was a month ago.

This day. Today.

i just can rub my face with my palms and exhale as big as i can.

thats nite.

after our Super in Chez Ribe.

we have no umbrella to home.

you refused Uber,, u said, getting in the rain with me would be more memorable than just kissing in the back seat of the car.

its just 300 meter to my block from Chez Ribe, but with you..

thats nite really was a huge stage for us.


the rain not cold enough to make us shiver,, the thunder wasnt hard enough to hide our whisper :

” I LOVEE YOUUU !!!” , you shout out loud with your face up to the sky.

With sometimes you smile wide like you let the rains down to your mouth and give you power to shouting like that.

“baby,,please,,what are you doing ? stop it..” , I’m wondering cz everybody just staring on us.

“JEEE T’AIIMMEEE !!”

you keep shouting out loud with a graceful face still look up to the sky.

Oh – my – God.

Now everyone in the Chez Ribe outside chair staring on us too. I even know that taxi driver was stopped only for smile and gimme thumbs,, i just can reply him with wierd smile and hand wave say : merci.

Also that little girl in the front seat of the red car beside us, who seems asking someting to her mom about what you did, cz her little finger was pointing on you. And like i know her mom answering : you will understand that when you growing up and be a lady like her.

Akay i think enough for the attractions. I walked close to you cz you moving around like enjoying the rain as sounds of music for you to dance.

I hold and touch your cheeks.

“what are u doing..?”, i whispering carefully

“i wanna shout to the world. I wanna that Eiffel also know about what i feel. I want everybody know how happy i am now. I wanna -”

Am just put my finger verticaly on your lips to stop your words, but

You throw my finger and shout again

“why ? Am i do something evil ? Am i do something wrong ? Am i made you shame ? Am i -”

~ Blaarrrr ~

Now the thunder shut you up,, as you directly close your eyes and cover your ears with your hands..

….but my hands already there.

Then you open your eyes slowly..

I really love the way you did it..

Heavenly.. Just like in the morning when i always wait you to open it up..

I just can rubbing your cheeks with my thumbs..and bite my lower lips. And hugs you, hope you stop all thats words, but again, that wasnt good choice to shut you up.

“tell me ?? am i brave enough now to tell to the world how much i love you ?? am i still wrong if i can do more than you can do ??”, now you whispering thats words with your soft trembling voice, with your head in my shoulder.

“No you not !! you – totally – not !!”

 i try to calm you but,

then you move out from my arms, and step backward.

“say it,, shout it,, tell to them that you only love me. let this world know. shout it now !!”

i just can pull you really tight back in my chest.

tighter than i ever did before.

and i know you can feels my body trembling. no am not cold. am really burn that nite. and am happy we was in the rain. so i didnt need to see your tears, or you see mine.

i still hugs you and just whispering on your ear : “Ich liebe dich.. Ich liebe dich so so sehr, Schatzi..”

“why..? why you just wishpering it to me ?”

“cz you are my world.. my all.. i didnt need to shout it loud. you already know that by now and will always know..”

yes i cant see your tears. yes you also cant see mine.

but we both know, the rain taste in our lips getting salty bcz of it. wipe that cherry taste from your sexy lips.

and we walked home like Avenue de Suffren just a chapell of wedding.

yes our chapell.. we walk in hands without flower in our heads but rain.

6:30 Am

i woke up and directly see my phone,, just some email from office friend and games and misscall from my mom. your name still absence.

i check your ticket again..

i still have kind of 3hours before you come..

hah ??!! what is this ??

shoots !!

not yet done with what i have looked with my pajamas pant, my bells rings me.

~ Ding Donng Diingg Doonng ~

      “Mr.Archer Mr.Archer , Bonjourrr ,, are you home ?”

omg,, why and why ? why – should – she – come – in the worst – time, demm!! i walk to my door and found a Parisian women just standing out of it.

“hoo-hoolla Madame Serena, hehe.. bonjour..”

      “ahhh there you are, how are u ? i come to bring your milk, this is still fresh and–heyy why you hiding like that in the door, do you have problem with it or–“

oh shootss shootss,,why she bangs my door open like this no no no–

      “have problems with, bonniess..?”😯

“oh hehheehee a-am a-m you know what-the rain so cold haha and aii-just wake up late..” 😅

      “aaaa you wake up so early then. I put it there so you can prepare your self before office..”

“hehehe sûr. Merci beaucoup”

     “and dont forget to shake it..” 

“sorry ? To sh-shake what ??”

      “the milk.. It will get colder when you take it before you go..just shake it some..”

“heheh ofcourse i will.. I will put it in icebox to keep it fresh. Super merci madame,,good day for yah..”

She just shut the door and go.

Dankkk !! Thanks God she go.

Bonnie,,shake,,that winks. What she tried to sayyy.. 😤

Oh shootss,, no,,

its 7:01Am already. I’m gonna late.

Paris, poems, Richnightson

Don’t Be Stupid..

Somebody who truly loves you, will never make you questioning their loves,

Cz as what you always do, you always want to show them your loves, they will always want to make you can feel it too..

Somebody who truly loves you, will always put you in their priority,

As what you always make them as your priority too..
Somebody who truly loves you, will always see you and your relationship more valuable and big important than any problems that you should face together.

Somebody who truly loves you will always do effort and fight for your love,

Cz its more easy for somebody to leave than keep stay along.

Somebody who truly loves you should be somebody who always say “US”

Not again “me or you”.

If you sure already doing your part really well, but they dont.
Just pray, to being strong.

Dont be sad, dont be stupid too.

Take decision. Leave them.

You just will lose somebody who didn’t love you.

Or maybe just somebody who only used you.

But them, will lose somebody who really love them.

They will search you inside anybody else.
But you won’t be found.

Paris, Richnightson, Sous le ciel Parisien

Begraben mich in deinem Herzen, Schatzi..

the nite was fine, the moonlight perfectly pretty.

he meet that girl right in the avenue line stright to Seine, she sureprised because she have no appointment to pick up or being pick up by.

She just can watch his motobike from another direction as it come closer and the owner open his helmet cover. his motobike lamp make her blind for awhile and try to recognize that guy.

she : Schatz ??

he : am i sureprised u ?

she : where are you going ? you said you ha-

he : yes i have meeting, and done already. i miss you. i have too meet my princess, here i am..



She still try to understand the situations. no, its complicated situations, cz she was going to meet her secret boy friend in the Seine at 7 Pm and its 6:55 Pm already.


he : where are u going ? you said wanna go to Lidl to buy some groceries, is Lidl have a new branch around here ? omg,, i will kill some of their staff cz not inform me about that-


she : no, Schatz, i’m just going to see that little violin girl first, i cant found her in Canal St.Martin, they said she probably here so I…..I….I miss her violin sounds..


he go down from his motobike, and touch her cheeks. look deep in her beautiful eyes.. so deep.  and sooo long, maybe about 10second, enough to make her blushing. she try to calm and seen as normal as possible, she’s not a good liar anyway.
after he make sure something in her face, he just rubbing his thumbs on her cheeks as always.

he : you are cold. you shivering..



he put off his jacket on his girl, hugs her and kiss her head for awhile.
its 7:10 Pm already. but she cant do anything. except hugs him not really tight.


he : come on.. we go to Lidl now ? or some candle light dinner ? L’Abeille ?



she smile, with a weird smile, no no no. not a sarcasm smile, its just weird smile cz shes confused. she dirrectly hope she is an Amoeba, or any superwoman that can be cloned to have date with 2 guys in the same time.


he : baby ? are you alright ?

she : uhum.. take me to the moon, Prince.



she jump in the back seat and hugs him tight.


He drove his motobike speeding over 100 mph over Rue de Seine.

thats girl scared and start screaming.

she : Schatzzz please slow !!!

he : no, it’s fuunn!! (laughing)

she : Schatzz please,,its not funny, i’m scared!!

he : hugs me tight !!!

She hugs him really-really tight like she doesn’t want anybody take him from her side. but he not slow down his motobike.

she : schattzzzz !!!


he : do you really love me ??!!!


she : yesss!!! i love you!! please slow down !!!


he : whattt ? i cant clearly heard that, do you really really love me ????


she : omg yheeeesss!!! I REALLY REALLY LOVE YOUU!! please, please drive slowly!!”



She scream louder with shivering cz she sure the motobike run more fast than before.


he : hahaha.. I love you too !! u know that ?? i love you too!! so much!! you should remember that always !!!

He keep drove fast and his girl just hugs him so tight. till maybe her linger can broke some of his ribs.


he : baby!! can you take my helmet off and put in on ?? its bugging me.


_______________________________


in the La Croix next day :

“A motorcycle had crased into a building because of break failure. 2 victims being evacuated to American Hospital of Paris, but only one survived”

only God, that guy, and the angels that on the night was watch over both of them knows the truth.

while they crossing halfway down the road, he realized that his breaks broke, but he didn’t want to let the girl know. he know she will more scared.

instead, he had her say she loved him, felt her hugs one last time, then had her wear his helmet so she would safe even though it meant he would die.

he was laugh to covers all his pain..
he know already that girl have another afair.

he know probably she going to meet him on that night.

but he hope he wrong, and never found her there, so he just bring one helmet.

he just dont want to let it happen or maybe he just really miss her.

he saved his last cry not for how hard the building destroyed his neck or head.

he even still can breath a second after a long iron of that building pierced his chest, her favorite place to lay, and write “ich liebe dich, Archer” softly with her finger.

and he using that last breath to hold her hand and said : I always love you. Forever.




he fly.. he goes to the moon.

alone..

without her.

L'amour, Paris, Richnightson

¿Todavía eres mía, o nunca has estado..?

dont be sad for me. dont you cried.

all oceans just overflow to me, down in my eyes,

i know for that baby, you won’t sureprise..

dont be mad to me. dont you scared.

all horrors just overflow in me, blast in my head,

i know for that baby, you won’t forget..
dont called me Prince, dont you dare.

all the battle I’ve got to face, are everywhere.

i will run only with Flash, go run so far.

i will not called you My Princess, as what you are.

the sun too shine, the seas so calm without the wind.

So tell me baby if u still mine,

or at all you never been.