Meine Schatz, Paris, Uncategorised

Amor Es Esperanza #1

“Rome doesn’t feels like home without you. I wanna run back to Chez Ribe.”

Versailles-Paris, 2nd April 2017


chestnut groves blossom, city parks burst into flower..
plane trees sprout foliage over boulevards, and cafe terraces buzz with new-found energy as Parisians head outdoors to enjoy spring’s soft warm days.

..spring’s soft warm days..

oh come on. spring ? warm days ?

without you ? just like long winter to me.

huummppff…

a dove that from 15 minute ago busy with some crumbs on my book sureprised and fly away cz my strong exhale.

my eyes just watch out where it goes. it stop in the top of broken old street lamp, and landing on the lunch basket of old lovers.

heheheu i just laughing for that..

i mean,, not that lovers,,

its just something i dont know also but well’ah… i just love the way I’m laughing on something without knowing the reason why.

i licked leftover crumbs of that cheesecake from my lower lips, and touch again my phone screen.

you message still there :

“Rome doesn’t feel like home without you. I want to run back to Chez Ribe.”

i let that message numb for 1 hour.

i didnt do anything anyway to keep me busy or havent even 10’s to reply.

I just…..

wanna know.

are u gonna send me another messages to complain or another messages to admit that u really miss me..

or maybe some calls, or misscalls.. like u know how am really happy to found ur name in my notifications or ur calls just pop up in my screen.


i hope u never know that i always collect that and screenshoot that with devils mode on, in my mind ✌🏻😈 she miss me she miss me yeah oh shoots.. notifications again from you, and thats an image..

i should open that :

sweet words written on used wet tissue that already dried..<br<br
e a baby.. like u.

i kiss my screen to search ur smells, i only found my Pour Homme there..

we keep talking about how fast the word “Miss” can multipy and turn into huge wave of Tsunamiss. or somewhere for me to hide cz now i really think wherever i go u haunt me.

U said, “Just hide inside my heart… And don’t try to get out”

well i know u..

even i’m hiding in the treasure box of Jack Sparrow, u will find me out so.

then u will dancing gracefully cz maybe i’m the only one who failed to hiding in that big pirates ship,, well its actually two.. if u counting that pitty octopus too.

**********************************

Avenue De La Chapelle3rd April 201706:00 Am its too early for u to wake up, i knew it.

I want to ring u up, and yes i did.

achso as always and never be never, it always end up in any misscalled only, on ur phone.<br<br
ss ur first messages in the morning will be like :

  1. I’m sorry baby am just woke up 😘
  2. 😱 i’m sorry baby my battery went out
  3. I’m sorry baby my phone was in silent 😰
  4. I’m sorry baby i was fainting 😵
  5. I’m sorry baby Santa Clause was kidnap me and i didnt have chances to bring my phone, but now he gimme back home already 😋

alright, number 4 & 5 was never exist, but 1-3 is the classic script that you always try to dealing my morning attemp, unfortunately – you always successfully – prevent – my anger.

Goddamm what kind of i am, but i really more enjoying our time together.

lemme spell it :

to-gather

no

to-get-her

yes to get her 🤔

08:35 Am – Your Message Cum

“I’m sorry baby my battery went out. Good morning 😘”

finally !! script number 2 still favorite😑

after calling your phone awhile, i know your schedule already..

  1. concerto of all your golden album that takes hours.. 🎤
  2. breakfast and ofcourse a cup or two full of coffee.. ☕️🍝
  3. and showering 🛁
  4. and this and that
  5. and those and these

but i dont know why today you just skip point number 1, and just take 2 and 3 before calling me again. and then you go to Kebab Stall with Lenka for your lunch 🌯🌮🥙

17:25 Pm – My Office

I just get down and say good bye to Charlotte, my deskmate, when your name pop up in my screen again. its just a wow cz today you take more active to looking for me as what i always wish.

i think we were in the “exchange habits disorder” or whatever is that🤔 but i love it.

we talk about many things high or deep.. long or wide.. near or far.. and mirage or exist.

then we just pause in a moment, no words, no talk, just breath.

“are you okay ?”

        “I’m not. i miss u.”

“i know….is that hurt ?”, i asking carefully

“its painful..”

&

oment where am just too far away and cant hugs her even just to make her calm. i totally know my princess need more than only words.

        “andrò ad ora a Termini, amore..” , you said.

“amor, amor..espera. Lo so che è così doloroso. e voi sapete ci sentiamo lo stesso, hmmm ? portiamo il dolore insieme, ricordi Amori ? e tu sei forte.. mi faresti un grande onore, per combattere il dolore con me ? solo per altre 14 ore, si ??”

     “si.” (click)

tuutt tuutt tuutt (call dropped in 01:12:17)

shoots !! i really hate this. i know that breath, i know that trembling voice, and that short answer. i know now you are crying in the car that bring u down to Termini Stations. i know that already. 

you are right princess, its so painful…

another TGV cried the horn loudly. not ur TGV. i walk to my bathroom. stand under the shower and rained it up to my head, down to my suit.

i even not yet take off my shoes. I just way back home by walk from my office.

i can make it fast with motobike, or just go home with Berto, my office friend that stay under my Appartement . but i just love to walk along Rue Jean Rey to Rue de Buenos Ayres while we talk in phone as always.

i dont know that a walk, that only can take another 5-10minutes for a tourist, for me will be like 30minute long. well i think my steps getting so hard to move with all this heavy memories inside my head.

sometimes i stopped in some spot and touch some part of flower or building or anything where your fingers was touched it, when we both walked around there together.

then i can really stop for another 5 minute when i just turn the left to Avenue de Suffren. i lay my back in the fence of the yard and just close my eyes. no i’m not tired, i just-

what you called it ?

calling supernatural power ?

hahah. nope. I just flashback.

like i saw you, saw us running out from Chez Ribe and crossing the road and stop point in where i am standing right now.

then i turn my water tap to cold. not warm anymore. as cold as the rain we had before.

i really miss that atmosphere.

stuck in the moment when we was kissing in the rain.

we really wet. but it was the hotest memory we got from this street, right ?

and i never know that the rain has cherry taste, til i was caught that from your lips.


J
r bl

t;😀👉🏻 https://admiralovaphobia.wordpress.com/2017/04/04/amor-es-esperanza-2/

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L'amour, Paris, Richnightson

¿Todavía eres mía, o nunca has estado..?

dont be sad for me. dont you cried.

all oceans just overflow to me, down in my eyes,

i know for that baby, you won’t sureprise..

dont be mad to me. dont you scared.

all horrors just overflow in me, blast in my head,

i know for that baby, you won’t forget..
dont called me Prince, dont you dare.

all the battle I’ve got to face, are everywhere.

i will run only with Flash, go run so far.

i will not called you My Princess, as what you are.

the sun too shine, the seas so calm without the wind.

So tell me baby if u still mine,

or at all you never been.

Meine Schatz, Paris, Sous le ciel Parisien

Meine Sehnsucht unrein

Rindu menjelaga

hitam

lekat

tak peduli lelap.

menelusup

merayap

mengguncang

memeras peluh.

Ratusan jarum Abbocath tertancap di setiap sudut hati

mati.

bagaimana lagi bisa memaknai ?

Bisu tak bertuan

tuli menuli tak menahu

Milik siapakah kau, rindu ?

empunyamu acuh

melihatmu pun tak lagi.

hilang kau tah dicari

mati kau disyukuri.

Bahh !!!

Rinduku terlarang

bagimu haram

biar saja ia berkemas

bergegas

menggelinding pulang

menjemputmu ketika petang.

Meine Schatz

Mein Lieblingsfrühstück Wird Sein

oh no, am i wake up late in another side of this empire state ?
its like am haunting something i was  wore last nite.

your voice. i lost it.

arrggghhh !!

– wait –

i really dont know why i should write here for.

as u know we have project we should done in handsbook isnt it ?

yes !! for our meeting dateline..

lemme spell it :

meet..in..dead..line..

meet..in..dead..what..?

huffhhtt.

i have no idea. will i still write there after the day we meet..?

or will u still gonna write our loves story in the novel as what u wish ?

YES i will.

no, thats “will” is my answer, i dont know yours.
so hows your morning, Schatzi..?

i still can really feels your doubt..

what’s that about..?

will this YourMan transform to be  a Superman for awhile ? with a kind of mind reader power or transparant eyes that can see through your heart and what it says as a running text ?

just awhile i wish.

cz am way blank to express myself..

or if u have the same changes, will u take the same ?

to be a SuperWomen that can read mind and see wht my heart speaks as a running text..or way better than that.

thats italic words above only on my mind.

it will never be turn to words u will heard.

cz how i really love in peace with u than to suffer in fight.

and we both know that.

so, u have a noodle for ur breakfast..

is that with eggs again ?

u asking me about breakfast i havent had. or u wanna served it maybe..

as u asking me yesterday how i love my sandwich will served..? with tomatoes of beef..?

honestly how my favorite breakfast would served is, with your kiss.

Meine Schatz, Uncategorised

Dummer schrecklicher Engel

Kau sungguh terlalu. dan kuyakin kau sependapat denganku.

disaat binar mata yang selalu bercerita indah, entah berapa lama panjang dan lebarnya terserah kau saja, menatapku-namun berangan pada negri fantasi yang entah dimana.
tunggu,
lancangkah jempolku menyebutnya masa lalu, karena kamu masih saja berdiri disana. di dunia yang sesekali kau jejak dan kau tinggal pergi kemana engkau suka.

tunggu lagi,
apakah aku baru saja membicarakan kenyataan ?

atau aku hanya mengada-ada. dan menyemai biji pertengkaran ?

tentang jantung jam, suara penyanyi sopran, dan percakapan tentang gerak lengan itu..

aku tau siapa yang coba kau ceritakan kepadaku..
tentang penulis itu, malaikat dan kupu-kupu, apa sekarang kau mulai berfikir sejak kapan aku bangun dari kebodohanku ?

tidak sayang, aku belum terbangun dan aku masih bodoh.
buktinya aku masih tetap percaya dengan jutaan imaji yang berusaha engkau cipta.

dengan segelas susu kejuku dan kopi hitammu yang bersanding mesra, aku selalu duduk tenang dan menyimakmu dengan manja.

aku bodoh. iya, sangat terlihat begitu, apa kau masih setuju denganku ?

bahkan aku sedang merencanakan protes kepada Tuhan. tentang bagaimana Ia tidak melengkapi kemampuan lidahku berkata :

“tidak atau tapi”

tentang bagaimana Ia sesuka hati menempatkanku dalam situasi seperti ini.
lalu aku mendorong kepalaku kebelakang. ku pejam mata dan bernafas lepas dalam-dalam.

T O L O L !!!
“ini Tuhan, bukan ? kau fikir kau siapa ingin seenak jidatmu memprotes Dia??”

o my God..no !!
ternyata aku benar-benar bodoh.
dan level kebodohanku sudah lebih tinggi dari tingkat dewa-dewi.

shoots. shut up your mouth!!, katamu

shut me up !!, kataku

lalu bibir-bibir kita bertemu.

kau memang handal sekali..

u know how to stop me elegantly.
kamu dengan kamu.

dan aku dengan aku yang asik menjilati balok es batu yang aku genggam entah dari kapan tau ini agar lekas mencair.

kamu tau aku tidak suka ice bukan ?

apa aku sekarang nampak lucu dengan es batu ini di bibirku ?

tanganku dingin, ngilu.

bibirku memerah panas dan kebas.

aku tidak tau siapa yang melakukan perbuatan tidak senonoh ini.

iya es batu yang tak tau adat ini.

atau siapa yang menaruhnya di genggamanku, atau mengapa aku masih menggengam dan asik menjilatinya walau aku bisa saja membuangnya jauh-jauh.

bulan meninggi es batu itu sudah berakhir.

menyisakan keriput membiru di jari-jari.

aacchhhh

kamu sedikit terperanjat ketika kudaratkan tanganku yang dingin dipipimu, tapi aku tau matamu berbicara lebih.

“is that cold..?”, tanyaku

kau menggeleng, dan menekan tanganku ke pipimu lebih erat lagi.

sementara jempolku tengah asik saja mengetik, jutaan imaji tentangmu terus menggelitik.
I miss your chest 😥
katamu, baru saja.
andai kau dan aku hanya berjarak 5 centi, sudah habis ceritaku untuk malam ini.
aku akan meringsut mendekapmu.
menancapkan hidungku di rambutmu..

lalu mendengar sengau nafasmu yang kadang tidak beraturan itu.

tapi kau tak mendengarkan aku..
maka jempol dan mataku masih menggelepar liar di halaman ini.

…mmmm…
mungkin kamu sudah terkapar..

ditampar letih, ditendangi debu sisa perjalananmu sore tadi.

atau kau sedang asik dengan jutaan imaji, yang diam-diam memperkosa otakmu tanpa henti.

ohya.. aku jadi ingin menjawab pertanyaan tentang siapa aku.
memangnya aku siapa ?
aku…”malaikat“, jawabku mantap. setidaknya, begitulah mereka menamaiku.

kadang aku berfikir tentang siluet malaikat itu ketika aku bercermin..
apakah malaikat se-awful ini ?, batinku lirih.

Sebuah pesan Telegram datang..

dan ternyata kau masih terbangun..
sebuah lagu Let Him Go dari suaramu yang menjadi candu baru dalam hidupku mengalun..

aku masih saja asik tenggelam dalam kebodohanku bersamamu..

dalam megah rasa percayaku padamu yang kujunjung tinggi-tinggi.

biar saja mereka tertawa.

bukankan mereka juga tidak perduli kita siapa ?

dan kini engkau tidur bersamaku (lagi).

aku mulai kuatir dengan tulisan ini..

bagaimana jika nanti kau menemukannya..

membaca dan kita akan mempertengkarkannya..

aku tidak peduli.

bukankah kita tidak sedang merkompromi dengan masa lalu.

aku juga tidak sedang berusaha menggagahi masa depan.

aku dan kamu sekarang sedang bersama..

cukup menjadi bahan untuk kita bercerita.

itu saja.