Meine Schatz, Paris, Uncategorised

Amor Es Esperanza #1

“Rome doesn’t feel like home without you. I want to run back to Chez Ribe.”

Versailles-Paris, 2nd April 2017

chestnut groves blossom, city parks burst into flower..
plane trees sprout foliage over boulevards, and cafe terraces buzz with new-found energy as Parisians head outdoors to enjoy spring’s soft warm days. 

..spring’s soft warm days..

oh come on. spring ? warm days ?

without you ? just like long winter to me.


a dove that from 15 minute ago busy with some crumbs on my book sureprised and fly away cz my strong exhale.

my eyes just watch out where it goes. it stop in the top of broken old street lamp, and landing on the lunch basket of old lovers.

heheheu i just laughing for that..

i mean,, not that lovers,,

its just something i dont know also but well’ah… i just love the way I’m laughing on something without knowing the reason why.

i licked leftover crumbs of that cheesecake from my lower lips, and touch again my phone screen. 

you message still there :

“Rome doesn’t feel like home without you. I want to run back to Chez Ribe.”

i let that message numb for 1 hour.

i didnt do anything anyway to keep me busy or havent even 10’s to reply.

I just…..

wanna know.

are u gonna send me another messages to complain or another messages to admit that u really miss me..

or maybe some calls, or misscalls.. like u know how am really happy to found ur name in my notifications or ur calls just pop up in my screen.

i hope u never know that i always collect that and screenshoot that with devils mode on, in my mind ✌🏻😈 she miss me she miss me yeah

oh shoots.. notifications again from you, and thats an image..

i should open that :

sweet words written on used wet tissue that already dried..
smells like baby.. like u.

i kiss my screen to search ur smells, i only found my Pour Homme smells there..

we keep talking about how fast the word “Miss” can multipy and turn into huge wave of Tsunamiss.

or somewhere for me to hide cz now i really think wherever i go u haunt me.

U said, “Just hide inside my heart… And don’t try to get out”

well i know u..

even i’m hiding in the treasure box of Jack Sparrow, u will finding me out so.

then u will dancing gracefully cz maybe i’m the only one who failed to hiding in that big pirates ship,, well its actually two.. if u counting that pitty octopus too.


Avenue De La Chapelle

3rd April 2017

06:00 Am

its too early for u to wake up, i know that.

I want to ring u up, and yes i do.

achso as always and never be never, it always end up in any misscalled only, in ur phone.
and i can guess ur first messages in the morning will be like :

  1. I’m sorry baby am just woke up 😘
  2. 😱 i’m sorry baby my battery went out
  3. I’m sorry baby my phone was in silent 😰
  4. I’m sorry baby i was fainting 😵
  5. I’m sorry baby Santa Clause was kidnap me and i didnt have chances to bring my phone, but now he gimme back home already 😋

alright, number 4 & 5 was never exist, but 1-3 is the classic script that you always try to dealing my morning attemp, unfortunately – you always successfully – prevent – my anger.

Goddamm what kind of i am, but i really more enjoying our time together.

lemme spell it :




yes to get her 🤔

08:35 Am – Your Message Cum

“I’m sorry baby my battery went out. Good morning 😘”

finally !! script number 2 still favorite😑

after calling your phone awhile, i know your schedule already..

  1. concerto of all your golden album that takes hours.. 🎤
  2. breakfast and ofcourse a cup or two full of coffee.. ☕️🍝
  3. and showering 🛁
  4. and this and that
  5. and those and these

but i dont know why today you just skip point number 1, and just take 2 and 3 before calling me again. and then you go to Kebab Stall with Lenka for your lunch 🌯🌮🥙

17:25 Pm – My Office

I just get down and say good bye to Charlotte, my deskmate, when your name pop up in my screen again. its just a wow cz today you take more active to looking for me as what i always wish.

i think we were in the “exchange habits disorder” or whatever is that🤔 but i love it.

we talk about many things high or deep.. long or wide.. near or far.. and mirage or exist.

then we just pause in a moment, no words, no talk, just breath.

“are you okay ?”

        “I’m not. i miss u.”

“i know….is that hurt ?”, i asking carefully

         “its painful..”

o God. how i really hate trapped in the moment like this. moment where am just too far away and cant hugs her even just to make her calm. i totally know my princess need more than only words.

        “andrò ad ora a Termini, amore..” , you said.

“amor, amor..espera. Lo so che è così doloroso. e voi sapete ci sentiamo lo stesso, hmmm ? portiamo il dolore insieme, ricordi Amori ? e tu sei forte.. mi faresti un grande onore, per combattere il dolore con me ? solo per altre 14 ore, si ??”

     “si.” (click)

tuutt tuutt tuutt (call dropped in 01:12:17)

shoots !! i really hate this. i know that breath, i know that trembling voice, and that short answer. i know now you are crying in the car that bring u down to Termini Stations. i know that already. 

you are right princess, its so painful…

another TGV cried the horn loudly. not ur TGV. i walk to my bathroom. stand under the shower and rained it up to my head, down to my suit.

i even not yet take off my shoes. I just way back home by walk from my office.

i can make it fast with motobike, or just go home with Berto, my office friend that stay under my Appartement . but i just love to walk along Rue Jean Rey to Rue de Buenos Ayres while we talk in phone as always.

i dont know that a walk, that only can take another 5-10minutes for a tourist, for me will be like 30minute long. well i think my steps getting so hard to move with all this heavy memories inside my head.

sometimes i stopped in some spot and touch some part of flower or building or anything where your fingers was touched it, when we both walked around there together.

then i can really stop for another 5 minute when i just turn the left to Avenue de Suffren. i lay my back in the fence of the yard and just close my eyes. no i’m not tired, i just-

what you called it ?

calling supernatural power ?

hahah. nope. I just flashback.

like i see you, see us running out from Chez Ribe and crossing the road and stop point in where i am standing right now.

then i turn my water tap to cold. not warm anymore. as cold as the rain we had before.

i really miss that atmosphere.

stuck in the moment when we was kissing in the rain.

we really wet. but it was the hotest memory we got from this street, right ?

and i never know that the rain has cherry taste, til i was caught that from your lips.

to be continue in Amor Es Esperanza #2


L'amour, Paris, Richnightson

¿Todavía eres mía, o nunca has estado..?

dont be sad for me. dont you cried.

all oceans just overflow to me, down in my eyes,

i know for that baby, you won’t sureprise..

dont be mad to me. dont you scared.

all horrors just overflow in me, blast in my head,

i know for that baby, you won’t forget..
dont called me Prince, dont you dare.

all the battle I’ve got to face, are everywhere.

i will run only with Flash, go run so far.

i will not called you My Princess, as what you are.

the sun too shine, the seas so calm without the wind.

So tell me baby if u still mine,

or at all you never been.

Meine Schatz, Paris, Richnightson, Sous le ciel Parisien

Filles masquées sur les enfers.

Well..for me. Success is like while we gonna do onani or masturbate. you can only reach it right, with your own hand

biadab !! bedebah !!

umpatku tak henti henti.

aku tidak tau bagaimana aku bisa terdampar di pesta Halloween di bulan April. its too early.

I mean, why should-on-this-earth-i-must-attending-a-weird-party-that-full-of-my-EX ?!!!

damn,, (sigh) am trapped !!

“heyy Archer, are you gonna fvck that cocktail ??!!”

oh damn, David. That guy just cant stop to interrupt me to go down to the floor. but what am doing just, tetap berdiri di pojok balcon, asik menyeruput fruits cocktail yang sedari tadi tidak habis-habis.
uppss,, astaga, hampir saja buah melon tertelan bulat bulat dikerongkonganku, untung bukan sendoknya.

aku melihat Vania, my ex, sedang berdansa dengan seorang lelaki bertopeng. hahaha.. aku hafal sekali gerakan itu. i mean, while she seducing. bagaimana dia mengerakkan pantatnya seolah dengan sengaja menyentuh bagian bagian tertentu si anu, so it will blow your mind to the kind of feelings yang iya iya.

then am just disgusting while i remember how she fake her orgasm while we were in bed. i mean, i know she have the real one or three already on that night, but the fake one, still fresh on my. (sigh)


“tidaaak tidakkk.. dia tidak ada apa-apanya dibanding dengan kamu sayang, lihat, bahkan adik perempuanku mengomentari performance kita. Saudara-saudaraku masih sering menanyakan tentangmu. tidak, untuk apa aku gombal, kamu memang masih yang terbaik, dia hanya blablablabla..”

aku sudah lelah berdiri, tapi duduk di samping Julian yang asik menggombali mantannya, adalah pilihan yang buruk.
10 menitan aku mendengar dia menceritakan tentang keburukan istrinya pada mantannya itu. bagaimana ia menyanjung si mantan dan memuji performance kelas dansa mereka berdua yang ia unggah ke jejaring sosial. aku tau betul tabiatnya. dia sendiri yang asik membuka Facebook adiknya, dan menulis komentar-komentar manis tentang mereka.

are you asking how i know about that ?

i watch out his another phone on the table, the screen still open with various messages come :

and he just ignore and keep talking
on the phone. and maybe he didnt recognize me, or am just invisible on that time.

Damn man !!

and one african boy with mask come closer to me,

‘Archer,, is that you? i know its you, haha whats up my man ?”

he shake my hand and hugs me.

“Daniel haha..oh gosh am great my man (my voice trembling cz he shake my body hard while hugging me) and you still recognize me wow hehe…”

“well actually i already stared at you since 5 minute ago, till you open your mask and…”

“owh hahaha…yeah.. i cant breath well, the smells…so terrible hehe.. so Dan,, what are you living around..?”

“haha yes that why so i take it off. am working in St Louis Hospital since 3 month ago. everything nice here, huh ?”

“well yeahh.. alright Doctor, am glad to heard you works around here but i hope we will never meet in your work place, i want to be health as always hahaha”

“hahaha amen amenn.. so with who you come ?”

“”well i-”  . Am not yet finish my words while a parisian blonde girl come and dirrectly kiss Dan.

“Oh lemme introduce you, sweetheart this is Archer my college friend, and Archer this is my fiancee, Loverita..”

“oh hellow miss Lovey, nice to meet you..”

i kiss her hand.

“awwhh nice to meet you to Mr.Archer.. Alright honey, I just want to make sure you are alright, i will go down, and enjoy your time. Mr.Archer, take your time please..”

“Profite de ta danse, Lovey..!!”

She go after kiss Daniel again, and gimme a cute wink i dont understand.

I walk to the balcon rows, and watch down stairs all the lovers or anything of that, were in dance. well this kind of things just will be make me miss her, alright i will just take a food–
“ohhh Suis tellement désolé Monsieur !!”
another parisian girl in mask crash me hard and spill her cold wine in my chest, i mean my coat, no-its spill in my chest, till am gasping of that cold wine.
“non je suis désolé. c’est de ma faute..”

i try to wipe that wine from my chest till her hand already go there with a fragrace handkerchief, and i dirrectly look at her..

“Archer ??”

“Selena ??”

we sureprized and recognizing one each other.

oh Goshh..why should on this eaaaarrtthhhhhh.

aku benar-benar sangat mengutuki malam itu.

kami memilih duduk di sudut lain yang tidak begitu bising.
aku ingin mendengar cerita apa yang bisa dia bagikan setelah sekian lama tidak mendengar sedikitpun tentang dia,
atau aku mungkin tidak ingat tentang dia ketika aku sibuk mengingat Lailyku saja.

tidak banyak yang berubah. kami banyak diam.
suara music malam itu sangat keras, bahkan bassnya mampu membuat degub jantung bergetar.
tapi seolah kami ditelan sunyi yang paling lengang seketika. entah karena apa. 

Selena adalah gadis terpandai di kelas filsafat. tak jarang aku mendapatinya asik bergumam sendiri di pojok Library.
aku yakin dia akan terus seperti itu jika dehemanku tidak membuyarkan keasyikannya.

a smart and cherish girl, satu-satunya pemetik Harpa di orchestra kami who also a fashion models. dari 1-10, dia mendapat poin 9,5 versi para pangeran kampus.

Dialah gadis idaman setiap mahasiswa Sorbonne University kala itu. termasuk aku.

tidak ada yang menarik tentang kedekatanku dengan Selena sebelum kami berpacaran.

I mean, apa yang asik dari sekedar bercerita tentang Leonardo Davinci ato Aristoteles dan Charles Darwin dengan teori-teorinya ?
bahkan perjuanganku untuk mendapatkan dia bisa dikatakan tidaklah serumit yang kalian kira. atau mungkin dia yang menyerah kepadaku begitu saja.
hahaha konyol.

tapi aku selalu datang setengah jam lebih awal, dan merelakan 10 menit pelajaran berlalu hanya demi menungguinya masuk kelas filsafat.
aku tau dia selalu datang terlambat karena kelas modelingnya. dan aku selalu menunggunya memasuki kelas lebih dahulu, hanya untuk memastikan aku bisa duduk di sampingnya, satu-satunya bangku kosong yang tersisa.
aku tau tidak akan ada yang berani menduduki tempat duduk tepat di tengah depan whiteboard itu, kelas kami selalu penuh jika kami datang semua, tapi bisa dipastikan seluruhnya pasti datang.

karena Profesor kami bukanlah Profesor yang toleran tentang absent, kami boleh absent jika kami sedang dikebumikan, begitu katanya.
sekali waktu ada salah seorang mahasiswa tidak hadir, dan menyisakan 2 bangku kosong yang diduduki seorang-seorang saja, Selena dan Tommy.

dengan santainya aku memilih duduk dengan Selena.
aku kambing hitamkan kacamataku, aku sampaikan padanya aku tidak kelihatan jika duduk di belakang.

hari dimana pertama kali kami berkencan adalah dirumahnya.

Selena adalah anak semata wayang dari Tuan dan Nyonya Frederic Chottard. mereka keluarga yang cukup terpandang, tak heran kadang Selena mendapatkan perlakuan khusus, karena Tuan Frederic adalah salah satu penyuntik dana proyek terbesar di kampus.
ulang tahunnya yang ke 22 kala itu tanpa dihadiri mama papanya. malam itu bertepatan dengan malam diresmikannya Resort baru mereka di private island di Oklahoma.
mereka sengaja membuka Resort itu sebagai kado untuk Selena, Selena Lux Royals Resort. mendengar namanya saja, aku sudah bisa membayangkan apa saja kemewahan di dalamnya.
tak banyak yang bisa ku ingat dari malam itu kecuali Gemerlapnya pesta dansa dan barbeque,

Dan bagaimana aku tiba-tiba terbangun dengan masing-masing tangan dan kakiku sudah terikat di tempat tidur… and am nude.

aku melihat seorang hadis, a nude girl, duduk membelakangiku di tepi tempat tidur yang sama.
“you wake up already..?”

“Selly..what are you doing ? for Jesus sake please help me, who tied me like this ? Selly please gimme that towel, cover me eerrgghh..”

aku panik. mengetahui gadis yang duduk tenang di samping tempat tidur itu adalah Selena. aku meronta mencoba melepaskan diri.
“this towel ?” . Selena melemparkan handuk itu tepat di bagian paling private milikku.

“you would need that for shower later, not now..”

she goes closer..and kiss me. i can see how her breasts swaying and how she move her body eroticly to seduce me.

“please what..?”

“whatever you gonna do, please stop it!!!” .

oh my god, aku sedang dikamar bersama gadis idaman remaja pria seantero Paris, dan dia sedang telanjang menari-nari diatas tubuhku, dengan lantangnya aku berkata stop this ??

Helloooww… Munafvck sekali.

“you say you wanna do this with me ? come on, i know you want it also, didnt you ?”

“yhesss…yhess (gasping) i want it.. (gasping) but please (gasping again) not like this..”

but she’s not listen to me. she took my tie and tied in on my eyes.

“Selll pleaseee !!! what is this ??!!” . Am more panic. No, am really freaking out.

“ssshhhhh…i know you still virgin, gimme this honor. i will make that man out from you..”

She whispering that horror words that make me goosebumps, with put her finger in my lips and then sealed it with a kiss. i can feel her kiss down to my neck and shoulders..while her palms and fingers touching my face and my ear.

She wildly down in the middle of my chest.. tickling my nips and keep running down her kiss to my tummy.
oohhhhh sssshhhhh dhaammnnn

I feel something i never felt before, how she touch, and how her hair just falls and swept my skin during her kiss over my body.
She stop in my belly button and play her tongue over it.

Dammnnnn emmmmhhhhh sheelll

Am confused with what i feel. I feel so shame, feel good, and feel mad in the same time.

Then she bite that towel and remove that from my little one, i can feels her softly palms rubbing my thighs…

Ohhhh hhmm sshhoottsssss

“Shellll pleasseeee…pleasee stop it..!!” (am gasping unconditionaly)

But again she’s didnt listen to me. She keep busy. And i can feels her fingers touching my balls…a second then i can feel something warm and wet covering my little one.

Damnnnn!!! She put mine in her mouth. And teasing it like a hungry kids on their ice cream.

Aaasshhhhh shhootssss that—soo–gooodd.

Selene really know how to treat my lil one, she keep suck it wildly while her left hand rubbing my nip and her right hand just give massage to my balls..

And thats really burn me on.

Till I… I….

“sorry Sir, Miss, do you need more wine ?”

What ?? Ah. Shoots. Aku hampir saja tenggelam terlalu jauh dalam kenangan kenangan terlarang, andai Serveur itu tidak menghentikan hayalanku.

Dia pergi setelah kami berdua menggeleng berjamaah.

“so are you still with Veronica ?” . Selena mencoba mencairkan suasana.
“Vero ?? Well nope. I think you already heard from many people, she was just used me. After broke up I never heard about her anymore.”

“haha..seriously ? well.. If you want to heard about her maybe you can found her down stairs”

“what ?? She is here too ???”

Goddamm what kind of night. Should I asking to God why He drag me to this hell ??

“yes,,look…She married to a parisian boy too last month, thats her husband..”

I just can stared to a drunk girl that dancing on the table, and her husband who’s drunken too, keep laughing on her.
Hahaha now am decide to thanksful to God cause am so lucky, I would have shame if am marrying her.

A crazy hedon materialistic girl, that only know how to spent than to gain. She never spent or thinked to give me any greetings Christmas cards or birthday present, nothing, even 1 Franc. But then she bought newest Dolce & Gabbana suits On 14 of may, the day after she said sorry can gimme any present cause she have no money. Then i recognized 1 month later i got a hi bill on my debit card to buy that suits. Damn she was using my card and i dont know about that. What kind of.

Well am so tired. All proposal and dateline of my project. My soul tired. This night torture me.

I really am not enjoying that party.
Am go back home with Paul..My next door.
He drove me with his car.
I hope somebody will hit my head till am fainting. Am so tired and dizzy. But all this drunken guy make this car feels like another hells to me. I really won’t to die early. I should have to marry Laily.
4:38 Am – My apartement

I open the door slowly, i know she probably still sleep, and her alarm will wake up her in 22 minutes.. As always, or she make it more late.

I see her sleep like an angel, oh how i really miss her.

5 days in Bordeux make me stupid.

I go shower fastly, and set on my coffee maker.. and check my phone. Died.
Omygod.. I even didnt check my phone whole along nite. She should be send me any messages or misscalls. Asshh she should be worried me.

Then i looking for her phone, and gonna check what messages she sent to me. Or misscalls, or..

What is this ? She was in call with somebody at 3:12am ?

In the very early morning ? I scroll down and same number also calling in the same time.

Who is this ? Why has no name ? And why always call in that time ?

Then my coffee kettle whistle,,

I turn it off for not getting noise.

the same time, her alarm also ringing.

Oh Shoots. This phone still on my hand. I put my tray and tiptoe to the bed and cover up the phone in her blanket.
“Buenos dias amor.. Mmmwaachh”

She looked sureprise and just staring at me.

“heii.. (i swap her cheek softly) am i sureprised you..?” . I kiss her forehead. I know she still half asleep.

“whh-what time you come back baby..?”

“couple minute ago..”

I take coffee tray from minibar, i can see her face and her hands busy looking for something from the kettle glass. I know she looking for her phone.
“i see you sleep like a baby, so i decide to wake up you with… Tarrraaaaa….”

“emhhhh coffee…you are the best baby…”

“I hope you didnt mind to have breakfast in bed..”

“noo…It would be perfect…hmmmm…Its smells so good..”

“well i try to found something for our breakfast but seems you forgot to go to the market place again..”

“i did.. I just forgot to take it out from car. Wait i will make something for us..”

She just going to jump from the bed if am not handle her hand stop.

“baby…….i miss u……”

She turn her self and take a seat on my thighs.

“(she kiss my forehead) I miss you more…. tell me…. how you like your sandwich to served..? with tomatoes…? with beef…?”

“with your kiss…”

we are france kissing…

Till drown…

Forget about the coffee.. The breakfast.. The party.. The calls..

We just bitting.. Hugging…
Till all sounds is just a lovely sounds..
Sigh and moan in the early morn.

All of us deserved a vibrantly morning waves,
the greater way than a coffee or sandwich to start a mornspring  haze.

For me, success love story is like this :

There’s me, our life, you in my side, with the kiss.

Meine Schatz, Paris, Richnightson, Sous le ciel Parisien

Ich war ein Beobachter und Liebhaber.

Aku satu. 

Satu dari satu yang diaku-aku.

Aku satu.

Satu dari dua yang tidak ada.

Aku : aku.

Satu diantara ribu tapi sendiri aku.

Aku liberalisme yang paling liberal.

Hayal tanpa batas, tanpa garis tanpa temu.

Aku liberalisme yang akan selalu menyokong tanpa ingin mematahkan kepakan sayapmu.

Akulah laut yang menenggelamkan aku.

Disekap & didekap erat para terumbu.

Dalam gelap laut yang paling gelap.
Dalam dan seluas-luasnya luas yang paling dalam.

Aku adalah horizon yang diperhatikan para pecinta di setiap kencan pantai atau laut mereka.
Pemerhati dari setiap kecup dan pagutan mesra.

Iya, pemerhati saja.
Bahkan ketika mereka menelanjang dan bergeliat di bawah  pantulan cahaya bulan,

aku tetap diam & menjadi penikmat tanpa perlawanan.

Aku adalah horizon yang membatasi langit dengan bumi,

Hanya Sebatas Pandangmu..
Berdiri dan lihatlah aku dari angkasa,

…..Aku tidak pernah ada.

Aku adalah senyap yang sering dipersandingkan dengan malam.

Senyap yang tanpa jangkrik atau kumpulan binatang malam lainnya.

Senyap yang bisu yang bosan menunggui bulan dan bintang-bintang berjingkat pergi.

Lalu aku menjadi benar-benar senyap bahkan ketika mereka tidak memahami apa arti dari senyap itu sendiri.

Aku adalah imaji..

Imaji yang mungkin memerangkapmu dan membuatmu tetap terjaga.

Imaji-imaji lalu yang asing yang sering tidak beruang waktu.

Yang hidup.

Yang sudah sesak menjejal di dada dan otakmu.

Atau bagaimana jika setiap kata “mungkin” memiliki kemungkinan tidak berlaku..?

Dan bagaimana jika aku bukan aku ?

Aku bukan satu atau dua yang kau kira aku.

Apa kamu masih kamu..?

Meine Schatz, Paris, Sous le ciel Parisien

Meine Sehnsucht unrein

Rindu menjelaga



tak peduli lelap.




memeras peluh.

Ratusan jarum Abbocath tertancap di setiap sudut hati


bagaimana lagi bisa memaknai ?

Bisu tak bertuan

tuli menuli tak menahu

Milik siapakah kau, rindu ?

empunyamu acuh

melihatmu pun tak lagi.

hilang kau tah dicari

mati kau disyukuri.

Bahh !!!

Rinduku terlarang

bagimu haram

biar saja ia berkemas


menggelinding pulang

menjemputmu ketika petang.