Sterben Für Dich.. (I Die For You..)

Arrish just woke up down the big palm tree, on the long chair of Promenade des Berges, along the left bank of Seine. Tequila smells from his mouth. he stare on his watch, 6:05 Am already. he still remember he was looked that same watch 4:12 Am before he fall asleep.

he get sit and just staring around with rubbing his face and his waves hair. he just standing up to go for some coffee then a Newspaper man just offer him some of his stuff :

“Journal, Monsieur ?”

he take Le Croix, his daily Newspaper.

“A motorcycle had crased into a building because of break failure. 2 victims being evacuated to American Hospital of Paris, but only one survived”

He just open his mouth with trembling and almost falling down after stare at the picture of that Newspaper headline. He took something from his pocket and give to that man and directly run to high road with glazed eyes.

that newspaper man looked so happy, he keep smiling with handling $50 from Arrish, thats newspaper supposed only $3, and he start saying : God bless you, Monseur..

he give bless to Arrish in his whisper.


Arrish just cant hold his tears, even he tried to hold with squeezing his arms and bite his lip. his gasp still echoing through the taxi.

“Sir, are you okay ?”

he just inhale and answer the taxi driver with “ok” shape with his fingers. the driver can’t stop staring at him from rearview mirror, he worried and confused, if he just drove a crazy man that will just run after he drop him.

Arrish excatly know that the driver probably looked him with a wierd look. But he hell care at all. His head full of scary scene about what happened to somebody he loved. Suddently her voice echoing his head : 

music background :

he reread again that news, and he wring that paper, he recognized that girl in the headline photo, even blood covering half of her face, he still recognizes well her lips, and necklace in her neck,

directly he remembered the nite when he put that stuff. he still can remember her hair fragrance as she tide it up..

“this A, stand for……..”

“…Arrish…” , that girl dirrectly complete his words. She turn around and looked at him. With linger her hands in his neck.

….his girlfriend, his love, his life. Now. suffering in the hospital.


He take another $50 and give to the driver and run to hospital hall.

The driver saw in the price rate monitor, stare on Arrish back as he jump and crossing inside the hospital, then take his newspaper from the backseat, he read the headline and whispering : God bless you, Sir. And God bless her too..


“excuse me where I can found Laily Marras, the victim of  motobike accident last nite ?”

“Sorry Sir, what you relations with her ?”

“She is…. She is my fiancee !!”

The frontdesk nurse like didnt believe him awhile. Then he take something from his blazer.

“look, we going to marry this week, please i need to meet her”

He shows the nurse a wedding rings, with their name inside : Arrish & Laily. and show her his phone screen, their sweet picture while kissing – set there.

He never understand his trembling hand while showing that ring box caused by nervous for lying or he just extremly worried about her.

“she’s still in surgery room”

“surgg-what ??!! what exactly happened to my fiancée ??”

“she had injured head and heart failure after 3hours rescued, we have great doctors in charge right now, and we hope the miracle of God come upon your fiancée, Sir”

he just didn’t believe on what he just heard. he even cant feel right now one nurse hold his back cause he directly paralyzed and going backward almost fall down..

“a-aam allrrig-ghhtt just please let me know where is she now ?”

“Surgery studio there in the end of this hall, turn right..”

“thankyou so much”

he walk so slow.. like his feet didn’t want to move even just one step. he remember last nite he was so depressed in waiting her like crazy in the Seine. he gonna propose her under the moonlight, he wished. till midnite come, she never been there. then he remembered he was shouting to the sky or anything above, desperately : God pleaseeee !! i never ask anything in my life. i just want her. i don’t care how. i just want her !!!! i promise i will do anything what You want. please!!! i wanna her to be mine!!! please… (he cried a river in knees. suddenly a little rain just make him mesh completely)

Surgery studio door opened

“doctor ? how- how is my fiancée?”

“Ms.Laily…. with God permitions, the transplantation doing fine.. we should do it fast because your fiancées is pregnant , we should save both the babies and mother. I think,  you know about it, Mr — ?”

“Scott Parris . my fiancée…..pregnant,, is that 3month already ?”

“yes.. correct. 12 weeks of pregnancy. are you twins Mr.Scott ? Congratulation cz you will be father of twins”

“I…I ammm…whatt…?”

“may i see her now ?”

“not yet Mr.Scott, she will move to recovery room in 15 minute”

“Mr.Scott ?”

“yes ?”

“do you know Mr.Archer ?”

“yes. he is my fiancée ex. he always try to disrespect our relationship. look, (he shows again the ring box) am just about to marry with her this weekend, and he still dare to met my fiancée in secretly”

“He is died Mr.Scott and-“

“Stop it doctor, I didn’t want to hear anything about him alright, am fully thanks to all your team for doing the best for her,,i will move her as soon as possible from this hospital”

“you can do that after her endoscopic exam. your fiancée got edema, it will give her short or long terms of memory lost.”

“what ??? what did you say??”

“your fiancée probably got amnesia”

Doctor Marthin, we need you over here..”

“alright Mr.Scott I hope she can recover very soon”


Arrish, Laily, Archer..

they never understand how God plan works. how His way should take all the dreams or give dreams to another people.

Arrish just can standing up with head full of something he didn’t understand at all. he scratch his hair :

…archer died…

…laily pregnant…

…laily will have amnesia…

shootttsss!!! what should i do right now !!!

then a bed just going out from studio, a died body, cz it covered full with white blanket. he knows thats not Laily.

and the second bed going out, Laily there. with bandages around her head.


she still unconscious. he walk along her side, holding her left hand.

that bed turn the right to room 1305, her recovery room.

while the first bed turn the left, straight to mortuary.

and suddenly that backsound like surrounding that hospital, echoing whole the hall :

Paris skies full of grey clouds roll..

Raindrops just about to fall..


Vineyards : Gesund im Wahnsinn..eine Weile. going to step this month again..

you would glad.. am still survive.

i walk so long and far, dad..

i still count and keep the stars bright.

… yet exhausted.

today i passed a play ground..

as i was see there not them, but you, me, and me again..

as the park directly being green..and shining..

…Venice….in the spring..

…..our vineyards….. : in my eyes.

my old tire swing beneath Oek tree.

a fragrance wind…

you shout me to go sit in it, not with standing.

and you just laugh as i dropped my face in the ground.

our basket always full when we home..

huge cups of milk and some tuscan served by mom.

well, mommy…

i have no idea what am gonna write here about you..

we have not too much memories too.

but as much as i can recall..

we were there when the stars all down fall..

“look,,get your wishes..”, you yelled.

i dirrectly bow down my knees and start prayed.

i do not believe ancient, mom.

but i believe on miracles.

and one of them is : her. meine schatzi.

she just awesomely beautiful..

she’s my half. she know me.

you would glad her as i glad her much..

as i can see she’s running in our vinneyards, try to catch butterflies.

she’s not that good to catch, not that fastly..

then with her simple victorian dress she sit beneath our Oek tree..

there no more my old swing already..

its become a library.

i forgot where daddy buy the seeds of book,,

or maybe my baby bring that from her country brook.

so in the nite il nonno just sitting in his rocking chair with his pipe..

my baby still want to play outside.

Our old Oek tree now be my bed sometimes..

as she just wanna lay in my chest and read books till you yell us for dinner.

but then daddy just send that meal for us to din Oek under.

i’m with her got romantic dinner without candle light,

but we are heavenly surround by beautiful fireflies..
ah, the rain come..

drop on my nose, bring a sanity.

our vineyards gone, and stop me pulse, back to reality…
Our vineyards still green out there..

is that far as what i feel ?

or I just can start it with a wish :

May this month be gracefully momentum..

That never gonna be old by thousand Autumn…

poems, Richnightson

Noch ein dummer Idiot Engel.

she: you’ve never done anything wrong. don’t worry, it’s just me. maybe we are just not meant to be. Goodnight.

He: i think we are meant to be..

it’s just we need to understand each other better at times when we both are not at our best.

sweetheart..please. dont overthink.



you just dont understand the times.

you just dont understand who you are.

you just dont want somebody keep pretending being something your eyes needs to see.


but for someone else maybe you just a canal.

seperti Canal St.Martin dan St.Denis yang tidak pernah sepi.

mereka pelalu-lalang yang hanya singgah datang..

menikmati apapun yang belum pernah mereka dapat, lalu pergi..

atau berjumpa dengan wajah-wajah lama yang ingin mengenang memory masalalu mereka sesekali, lalu pasti pergi lagi..

pria itu berjalan cepat menuruni anak tangga, kali ini dia lupa jam tangannya. dia mengangkat tangan kirinya, melihat benda itu tidak ada disana, dan mendengus kesal tanpa kata, berjalan menuju Seine.

Seharusnya dengan setelan lengkap, vantofel, dan menjinjing tas, orang mengira dia akan berangkat bekerja. tapi pekerjaan macam apa yang menancapkan seorang pria berdasi duduk di tepi Seine, tanpa koran tanpa kopi, dan sendiri ?

mungkin dia adalah pelamun atau pemimpi ?

penulis blog atau penulis puisi yang sedang mencari inspirasi ?

atau pemerhati lingkungan dari dinas sosial yang kesasar ?

dia terlihat sedikit depresi.

mungkin dia adalah dokter bedah yang menyesali perbuatannya karena kehilangan gunting bedah yang kemudian ia sadari bahwa gunting itu tertinggal di dalam perut pasiennya saat mengoperasi ?

tunggu, dia sudah tidak berdasi lagi, dia melepasnya, melonggarkan krah kemejanya, memasang kaca mata hitam, lalu memancangkan mata pada La rive gauche.

Seine..Kau benar-benar membelah peradaban. memisahkan apa yang dipandang hebat dan… dia menggumam tanpa meneruskan kata-katanya. hembusan nafas sebagai gantinya.

dua hal kontras antara utara dan selatan.

seperti yang terlihat pagi ini di lantai 9 Elysèe Reclus, apartement  yang ia tinggali bersama kekasihnya tercinta.

wanita itu memegang roti dan serrated knife. mengoleskan butter,  menaruh selada, irisan smooked beef, sauce, mayo, tomatoes and cheeze, selada lagi, lalu menutupnya dengan roti yang lain dan meletakkannya di atas piring pria yang sekarang duduk di hadapannya itu.

tidak ada percakapan sama sekali. mereka saling diam.

hanya langkah kaki, hela nafas, dan beberapa benda yang mereka sentuh asik membuat iramanya sendiri.

“you didn’t have any appointment today..?” lelaki itu mencoba membuyarkan lamunan wanita yang selalu menemani dia seolah hampir seumur hidupnya itu.

“no.” jawabnya singkat. sembari mengunyah sandwichnya perlahan, mengambil kopi, dan menenggaknya habis.

pria itu tau betul akan tidak baik jika meneruskan perbincangan itu. dia memejamkan mata 2 detik atau 3, meredam emosinya. menghela nafas seperti biasa, yang sayangnya terlalu kuat, hingga wanita itu meliriknya sedetik setelahnya dan kembali memalingkan pandang melihat ke arah jendela sekalipun tidak ada yang menarik untuk dilihat disana.

tidak ada yang menyadari dia tengah meremas jari-jarinya sendiri dibawah meja makan menyadari ada penekanan intonasi yang salah dari “no”-nya sejurus pria itu mengela nafas sedemikian rupa.

“maybe i will coming can take your dinner first, dont waiting for me..”

“i know. i will.”

he kiss her forehead. she closed her eyes. and watch him go.

no, he stoped and whispering something without turn to face to his woman.

“by the way….i know much more than what you think i didn’t know…”

and continue his walk away.

she just can see his back go down stairs and think about what he said.

she walk back to the table, see to his plate, he not finish that sandwich. she sitdown and take that serrated knife again. maybe she gonna run and meet him in the lift and gonna stab him with that knife, right to his chest, her favorite place to lay.

or just stab that to hers, and then go die.

nope. she just walk to the sink and clean up all.

i know you cheating me.. i know you was slept with him. i know also you was did something with the guy you said you have no relationship with. i know that cz he told everything about you and him-to me, he told me how good you are treat hims and how you dancing beautifuly over his top. he told every d e t a i l e d of it. can you imagine what i feel now about you ??

aside i still keep treat you as my best woman ever, on the same times you shows me all the weird of you being changes. at least i didnt pretend to loving you after i know thats all. its just hurting me much. I’m hurt to see you keep building the lies. I’m broke and destroyed much of these. i’m– mrs.marras, mrs.marras…..”

hahhhh (she gasping) what is this ? she massages her head even its not pain. am dreaming ? (gasping) so its just a dream ?? dre–

mrs.marras are you inside ?”

she sureprised cz somebody yell her name and knock the door.

“Madame Serena, hey ya i-amm-sorry i just woke up (gasping)”

“oh i’m sorry i think my voice disturbing you”

“(absolutely yes) hehe n-no its alright, is everything okay ?”

“yes i just met delivery man in the hall asking for your floor so i told him i can bring it up for you”

“a package ? and flower bucket ? for me ?”

“alright you can check it inside i should go 12th floor to give this card to mr.Barley”

“merci bcp, madame..”

she close the door and walk to her bed. Archer ?? she dirrectly wishepring that name while smells the flowers bucket.

she open the package box, its chicken gordon bleu, fruits salad, tiramisyu, and coffee from Chez Ribe Delivery. still fresh from the oven.

and her phone beeping twice. a message come :

__Have a nice lunch.. i know maybe you still on your bed, and maybe you will keep doing that till afternoon so you would late for you lunch. I’m sorry for not finish my sandwich, that was so tasty, but i guess you put your sandwich on my plate, cz it was spicy__

shoots. why am so terrible ?? she talk to herself. now he will think i’m so mesh. i even cant remember my sandwich was spicy or not. or i just put same chilly sauce to our sandwich, or i just ate his sandwich with tomato sauce. i dont know. i was blank for all the stuff inside my head.

she exhale and throw her body to the bed. watch on the ceilling and think again about what he have talk this morning, and about her dream.

oh goosshh fvvcckkingg dreaammm !! she screamless desperatedly covering her face with her palms.


That man just open the room and walk slowly..

he watch his woman sitdown in the bed side, look out to the balcony distance to the door..wearing white night gown. the winds blew her hair softly, shining bring under the moonlight and crystal lamp on the roof..

the same time a song played from Gramophone :

🎵 Moon so bright night so fine

Keep your heart here with mine

Life’s a dream we are dreaming 🎵

He still standing try to understand the situations, or maybe try to calm his fast heart beats.

🎵 Race the moon catch the wind

Ride the night to the end

Seize the day stand up for the light 🎵

She walk out to balcony and face up to the sky. He walk closer after her. just a way steps from her back…

🎵 I want to spend my lifetime loving you

If that is all in life I ever do 🎵

….kiss her shoulder back and linger his hands, grab her weist softly..

🎵 Heroes rise heroes fall

Rise again, win it all

In your heart, can’t you feel the glory 🎵

She whispering “i’m sorry…”

he just hugs her very tight.

🎵 Through our joy, through our pain

We can move worlds again

Take my hand, dance with me 🎵

They are kissing under the night sky. the same time a falling star just crossing and they didnt know about that. they just kissing till the song end and replayed again.

a salty kissess.. for different reasons from each other mind.

🎵 I want to spend my lifetime loving you

If that is all in life I ever do

I will want nothing else to see me through

If I can spend my lifetime loving you

Though we know we will never come again

Where there is love, life begins

Over and over again

Save the night, save the day

Save the love, come what may

Love is worth everything we pay

I want to spend my lifetime loving you

If that is all in life I ever do

I want to spend my lifetime loving you

If that is all in life I ever do

I will want nothing else to see me through

If I can spend my lifetime loving you 🎵


….Je sais ce que tu as fait….Je sais, Amour….

he know what he should and shouldn’t know.

he know how to clamp his mouth and hold his tears as strong as he can.

he know how to perfected smile.

he know how to built high wall from anybody outside his territory.

he know the truth and how to forgive and forget.

he just dont know how to hurting somebody he loved.

..he just not more than a stupid idiot man, isn’t him ?

Paris, poems, Richnightson

Don’t Be Stupid..

Somebody who truly loves you, will never make you questioning their loves,

Cz as what you always do, you always want to show them your loves, they will always want to make you can feel it too..

Somebody who truly loves you, will always put you in their priority,

As what you always make them as your priority too..
Somebody who truly loves you, will always see you and your relationship more valuable and big important than any problems that you should face together.

Somebody who truly loves you will always do effort and fight for your love,

Cz its more easy for somebody to leave than keep stay along.

Somebody who truly loves you should be somebody who always say “US”

Not again “me or you”.

If you sure already doing your part really well, but they dont.
Just pray, to being strong.

Dont be sad, dont be stupid too.

Take decision. Leave them.

You just will lose somebody who didn’t love you.

Or maybe just somebody who only used you.

But them, will lose somebody who really love them.

They will search you inside anybody else.
But you won’t be found.

Richnightson, Sous le ciel Parisien

Ya Basta el Tiempo..

theres time to stop for everything.

theres time to stop to think.

theres time to stop to talk and walk.

theres time to stop to stalk.

theres time to stop to read and play.

theres time to stop and go away.

theres time to stop to wait and see.

theres time to stop for us or we.

theres time to stop to lied and swear.

theres time to stop and not go there.

theres time to stop to the born and dies.

theres time to stop that beautiful lies.